Shore to Shore

2014 Shore to Shore

Return to the Shore to Shore ride.  How long between?  I'll have to go back and look.  Too long.  too much water under the bridge, but it sure feels good to be back in the saddle on the long ride.  I can't tell you how much this ride has changed my life.  It has not only given me a deeper feel for horsemanship, it has changed how I feel about myself, and how I am in the world.

I have been given the privilege to cross Michigan with four different horses.  This year, it was with Ru.  Uruz Shameila.  Out of Cat, my first appaloosa.  Gaited, but not terribly.  Still, she is game, and level headed.  Of the four, she was the least changed by the ride.  She was about the same after the ride as she was before.  The other three were really "made" by the trip.

An awesome ride.

Winter

Mystery.  Myth, Legend, Archetype.  There is something about the deep cold of winter that sets my soul in a peculiar place.  I can sense a power, a force, and it is awesome and dangerous.


Not a lot of snow this year, like there was last year, but it is still in the single digits and below zero with the wind chill.  The wind will pick up tonight, or tomorrow morning early before we wake.  I often say my horses are fine to 30 below...well, we are pushing it.


I have rearranged the herd so that each one can get into shelter.  No one is left outside, and I won't have to go collect one to put in the old barn like last year.  I thought Dove was going to knock down her new oak stall door last night, but she finally got it and settled down.


Each morning for the last two, and probably for the next two, I go over and thaw out the pressure tank so the water will flow from the hydrant and I can water the four across the street.  If I put a bucket outside for them it freezes in a couple of hours.


I am tired.  I sleep lightly in this weather.  I listen for the wind, and for banging from the barn.  Horses accustomed to being at liberty in the pasture don't always keep well in a stall.


Nine horses for a 59 year old man might be a little much.  It taxes my strength.  I think I will give this horse breeding a few more years.  Only one baby last year, and only one this year.  I will try for at least three in 2016.  I have the room, the stalls, the pasture, and the hay.  To bring a handful of special horses into this world seems to be my dream.  Has been and still is. 


That and riding the shore to shore.  But more on that later.

Master Fear

For some of us, there is an attraction that is stronger than our fear.  We want to be in the corral with the horses.  Even thought they are large and scary, we need to go in with them.  Many people don't have this attraction, and won't understand us in this realm.  That's ok.  It has to be.  That's the way it is.

Our attraction to the horse allows us to step through our fear.  Many step through without any conscious awareness of having done so.  The attraction and the excitement pull us forward.  Fear may slow us down as we approach, but it doesn't stop us.

But lets stop for a moment and consider the fear.  There are two things, here, that are essential to me; the first is that the horse doesn't Cause the fear.  The second, that we bring the fear into the arena with us.  It is ours.  We own it.  It is within.

Many may dispute this.  That's ok.  so be it.  I offer no proof or argument of my position.  For me, it is Truth, and having been lucky enough, blessed enough, to have found it, I will simply state it as a foundational fact, and move on.

I struggled to find the right word to describe what we do with that fear once we have found it and learned its nature.  (or at least its origin).  I chose the word "master", but I did so tongue in cheek.  There is no mastery of either the horse or the fear.  That is not what goes on.

Neither is it "control".  There is no control.  Only the Illusion of Control.

So, you don't master your fear, or control it.  You don't ignore it, and you don't wrongly ascribe it to the horse.

I have an exercise that I use to deal with my fear before I go on to deal with my horse.  I use the three breaths.  I stop, close my eyes, and take three deep breaths.  I trust the horse not to kill me while I do this.

This is the barest beginning of relationship.  It sets the stage. My first and biggest job will be to deal with me.  If there is to be any "mastery", it is to be of mastery of the self.  Until and unless this is done, there is not "mastery" of the horse.

Trust.  As I proceed to gain the trust of my horse, I must first offer the horse my trust.  How can you ask the horse to trust you if you won't or can't offer the same in return.

For those of you that have sat upon the back of a horse, you will know that for the horse to carry you, they must first trust.  A predator on their back is reason for fear in the wild.  To overcome that fear is an accomplishment we can emmulate and wonder at.  We really should pause on occasion to marvel at what a big deal it is.  From this initial trust.....and

RSF Uruz Shameila

Gaited Foundation Appaloosa...

I just got back from a long ride on Ru.  Road riding through Amish territory, down State Line Road.  Calves, goats, buggies, turkeys, deer, cars trucks and tractors.  Great training, and she is coming along real fine.  Real fine.

It is so good to be gaiting down the road.  A broken four beat gait.  smooth.  Supposed to be sustainable for the horse for long distances.  We'll see.  We are doing more and more gaiting, for longer continuous stretches.

It is so wonderful to have Ru back.  I was there the night of her birth:  April 19th 2007, middle of the night, outside in a snow storm.  I spent the first six or seven hours of life with Ru.  I think she remembered me.  We didn't start from scratch.

Vicki did a good job on Ru's training.  She is sound, sane and steady under saddle.  All she needs is miles.  All I need is miles. 

My fear, confidence, balance and muscular issues are well suited to this horse.  If I can relax.  I can let go of the muscular tensions I hold in my right hip.  As I get my seat, legs, and back...back...I can help Ru learn to relax into the ride.  The farther we ride, the more she'll learn.

Like on the shore to shore.

We took a little time last week to work on the head down cue.  Glad we did.  It helped on the ride today.  A couple of times we stopped and just worked on the head down.  when she lowered her head, it was easier to walk off with lowered energy.  We have dialogue.

Strange difference with a gaited horse.  When she is gaiting, her head is high.  It feels like it needs to be that way.  Not sure how we'll address relaxing while gaiting.  But we will.  We will.  There is no hurry.  We will take our time each ride.  We have all the time in the world.

The dream is alive again.   I think its time to post a few more posts to this blog.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Come and Go

It comes and goes. Times come and go. We had a good time. We had a bad time. It was a hard time. Hard times hard times darken my cabin door no more.

I am struggling because something is going that I want to hang on to. A few years. A dream made real for a few years is a gift. a blessing. and I'm looking at the loss, instead of at the gift. And there is residual.

Hate to use that word from my life in the grid. But..... it is what I know.

There are three babies gestating in the back yard. There might be one in Pa, too. Two last year, a couple the year before, five in all, I think. He's getting quite a family. Ghost is.

So, can I open my hand and let it go? Do I fool myself that hanging on will slow things down? Just make it harder. Rope burns.

Its fucking cold this morning, but it is March. And every fool knows that spring comes in March. It does, you know? Spring comes in March. And Oester comes on the first Sunday after the first full moon, after the equinox. Did you know that? It does.

It comes. It goes.

In the Herd

In the herd, I can feel the presence of God. That is it. There is no "moving on".

I reread some postings from 06 and 07. I was on the beam. I was in heaven. Much has happened. I've been feeling like too much has changed and something is lost. Since Ghost left to go north, I have been feeling that RuneStoneFarm has run its course and is over.... in the past.

Not so. The herd is intact. Ownership issues are silly. Silly games. Control. Power. Silly. Othila is broken. So be it. I still have four mares. two in foal to Ghost. My four are mixed with her four. a herd of eight. short of hay, but doing well. Doing real well.

I live in the herd. I will stay in the herd. I belong in the herd. I have arrived.

If I were to die soon, what would I do today? The answer is always the same; "Ride".

So be it.

Scathed

The only way we're going to come through this unscathed is going to be the grace of God. The degree or amount of scathing is up for grabs. Total devastation left to our own devices. Major course adjustment, but able to stay put on the farm, by the grace of God.

Steady as she goes.

I must keep my mind from the post apocalypse groove. As within, so without. Don't go there. Work at becoming positive in my thinking, and impeccable in my actions. Stick close to the horses, and pray, pray, pray.

OK, God. How much scathing are we talking about here?

Cold Ride

Dove and I got a good ride in yesterday. It went up to near 40 and there was very little wind. Not a lot of sunshine, but still....... Won't be enough days like that in the coming months.

Dove is a pleasure. She balks at times, but given her age, four and a half, she has a solid mind for trail riding. She doesn't spook a lot or jump around, and when she gets scared, she just stops. I get off and lead her at times. I want her to know the route we rode yesterday. Trinity road. Its a straight shot, five miles, to Doug and Darcy's. Good conditioning course. Good trotting, though the road can be hard on the legs. We'll see how she holds up and how her stamina builds.

Mine? Well, that needs work. I am grateful for the saddle time yesterday..... three...three and half hours..... something like that. A lot of trotting. She has a gait that I can sit, and we'll build on that. I feel more substantial in my body after a long ride. More substantial. ... Sure there are aches and pains, but.... there's also a good feeling that is akin to any exercise, other than this one requires harmonization with a partner of another species. Cool, huh?

I'll add a pic later.

A Hard Way to Go

Tuesday Again

I don't know how to write about the farm. The plan has changed.....radically. At times it seems that the dream is done, but that is just angry thinking. We still have three pregnant mares. We still have Dove and Ru. We even got April back. Only Ghost is gone.

April came home last night. She was "leased" to a good trainer for the summer. All good, but I don't think April was happy.

We took her straight from that barn to a woman's place that seemed to have fallen in love with her. Wanted April for her daughter to ride. Seemed perfect, but it didn't last. We picked April up yesterday afternoon as the snow started.

We spent some time getting re-acquainted last night. She seemed glad to be back on the farm. Seems like too many horses again, but....... it is what it is. We are what we are.

I stand in the midst of uncertainty. Uncertainty of economic foundation. Uncertainty of what will or should become of the farm. Uncertainty over how many horses to try to keep and how many foals to have in the spring. Sell the pregnant mares? How can we? It was so long in unfolding.

I look back. Seems the lynch pin is pulled and order is sliding over the bank. Big change. The Appaloosa dream started in the summer of 05. Percolated into 06 when it began to coalesce and take form. And here we are. Here I am.

Its Tuesday. Tier's day. Order and sacrifice. Riding and the herd. The solution to all my problems today is acceptance. hmmm page 449? The Sermon on the Mount has been saving me. More meetings. and now..... the missing ingredient. More riding. Again, Mike.... Do you hear me? MORE RIDING.

Water over the Dam

On Sunday, November 9th, Ghost's new owners came and picked him up. He is an awesome horse, and I'll miss him. When I drive home, he was there near the drive and I'll miss him every time I drive up. I miss him at feeding time. Miss mixing his grains and going in with him for a few minutes. I'll miss the way he was coming to the gate asking to be taken out. His trust was long in coming, but once he gave it, he was different than the rest of the horses. He was more willing to trust.

I feel that his leaving is part of the plan. He is joining an excellent herd, and the people.... well, they are rare. His new handler taught him more in 48 hours than I had in a year. They were getting along well, and Ghost needed to be challenged. He'll fare well.

I hope I'm not done with him. How could I be? We still have three mares carrying Ghost babies. I don't imagine they will all stay with us until spring, but we're bound to have one, maybe two of Ghost's get next June.

Times change. The plan unfolds. Water over the dam, now.

Skein

From the ground to the air above the clouds is the realm where we live. It is a relatively narrow area. In the big picture, it is a small amount of inbetween space. It is the skein.

It is where we live. Within the skein, all of our dramas unfold. Life begins and ends. We love, have families, and we die.

Some days, I stand on the road and look to the horizon. This side of the horizon, if I hold my fingers up and look through them, it looks as if the skein is only an inch or so deep. The green and brown of the trees and the blue and white of the sky meet. Just before that meeting, that is my world.

Thank you, Lord for this realm.

Lynch Pin

There was a house. It sat on the edge of a ravine. The ravine slid down into a deep dark place overgrown with stickers, thorns and briars. As you looked down the slope towards the bottom of the ravine, you got a funny feeling. It seemed as if the darkness further down was swallowing up the daylight. You should be able to see more clearly, but you could not. And the darkness moved.

I usually ended up changing my mind about decending into the ravine. I usually stepped back up to the top, and hoped that the lynch pin held and that the world did not slide down into that dark place.

I'm not sure how we ended up building on that spot. A series of coincidences, I suppose. About like everything else. You think you are making a choice...making an informed decision, but you're only fooling yourself. Its comforting to think that there is order, and that you are in control of something.

however. We ended up building a lovely home on the edge of the deep ravine, and that home ended up being the key that held back the slide. The slide of order into chaos. Light into dark. I won't say the other one. Not that I'm superstitious or anything. It's just better left unsaid.

Living in the Lynch pin is a heavy responsibility. I was only able to survive there, after my divorce, because of the horses. The energy of the horses offset the darkness. I wouldn't have made it without them.

I remember the sunlight coming through the cleristory windows of the great room. I remeber the beam of light shining through the opaque glass panel on the front door making the shape of a dove on the floor.

It was a lovely home. It is the lynch pin.

I unloaded it before the market turned south. It's not that I'm particularly smart or savy. I was lucky. I found someone else ready to buy and step up to occupy the lynch pin. Trouble is, that, along with a host of other things, proved to much for him.

Suicide. Just a couple weeks ago. Went and shot himself. Thank God it wasn't there at the house. It occured somewhere else. Now I don't know what's to become of the place. Somebody has to do it. Otherwise......

Dove

In November of 06 I posted a picture of Dove. SLA Apparition is her name. She was bred at Sugerland Appaloosa in Louisiana and taken to Pa as a yearling. I called her "the horse with the faraway look in her eye".

I got an e-mail from her owner a short time ago asking me if I'd still be interested in Dove. I offered a trade, and Mia is going to Pa and Dove is coming to Runestone Farm.

Almost two years later. Dove is nearly 16 hands tall and still growing. A little hot, but started under saddle.

I will miss Mia. I am excited and optimistic about Dove.

Shadow

There is a process of reattaching the emotions to the body. I realize, that over time, I came to discount my emotions as lacking the reality of say a stomach pain. The pain was real. The emotion was something else. I have learned the practice of taking inventory of how I feel, starting with .... of all things.... how I feel. Are there sensations, within my body, that are asking for attention? Pains? Tingling sensations? I learn to relax the tensions where ever I am holding them...my stomach..... my shoulders.... my neck..... I listen to these feelings, and am coming to know that they are indeed my feelings.

Abandonment. Betrayal. Inadequacy. Recurring feelings that are as much a part of who I am as my arm, or my leg, or my foot. Pick a part. Its all the same.

I learned this exercise while trying to come to some accommodation with depression. I read parts of a book my a female Budist monk. I came to picture the meditations where I learned to accept my feelings of depression as the process of reattaching my shadow. Around the same time, I was reading some Germanic myths, and in one, the heros mother atatches an animal skin cloak to her son by sewing it onto his shoulders. It gave me the mental picture I needed to continue the painful process of sewing my shadow back on.

In the process, I learned that the reality of my emotions is on the same plane as the reality of physical pain. Not higher. Not lower. not to be idealized. Not to be discounted.

Enough for now.

Breeding

This is Ghost and Pebbles together for the first time. What a pair. They could make a beautiful baby for next year. They bonded beyond what I expected. Pebbles keeps between Ghost and the other mares to the point where we had to take her out of the pasture so the others could be bred. She would skip meals to stand down as near to the far pasture as she can get. She just stands down there most of the day, watching. Of the four mares, she is the closest in spirit and temperment to Ghost.

Shore to Shore 08

I didn't make the whole 240 mile ride this year. I rode Pebbles a little less than 100 miles of the ride. Vick rode Cat for 210 miles. Both horses did incredibly well.

It was an easier trip this year. Worked at lowering stress and relaxing more. Seemed to work. The most exciting part is that Vick found the shuffle in Cat. She got to ride with some folks that have appaloosas that shuffle, and they helped her learn to pull Cat back from a trot, and sure enough, there it is. The shuffle.

Over time, maybe I'll be able to tell why this is so exciting.

Ghost went into the far pasture last evening after a year of looking out of his enclosure at the horses in the big pasture. We put Mia in with him and they ran and ran and ran. Finally settled down, though, and he is clam happy. We'll put a couple more mares in with them over the next couple of weeks. With luck, we'll get 4 babies for 2009.

Angst

Yuch. Angst. A vague anxiety, nausea. A bad feeling. Uncomfortable.

I feel like I am in something, and it isn't good. I don't like this feeling.

When I was younger, someone tried to explain this to me as "Angst" I think they called it "plain old ontological angst". You come to accept it with age. It comes. It goes. It passes. That makes it easier to accept.... knowing that it will pass.

Short post.

Angst.

Eye

I look in his eye,

And I see all that I need to see.

A question.

An open assessment

A willingness

For whatever comes.

He trots over

All big and head up

Blowing, snorting, watching me.

What ever move I make

He’ll turn and run away

Lifting his feet high.

Reveling in the joy of movement

Of muscle and bone

Of motion and feeling

And that eye

For just a moment

That apex

That fulcrum

That moment between

Between evaluating

And running away

For just that moment

His eye is like a window

Into something deeper

Some world behind surface appearance

Some place where life comes from

And I have been seen

And it means the world to me

I have been seen by the primordial

Recognized

Accepted

And it means the world to me.

Death

Big title. Max is dead. I can't go and see him anymore. I was always going to.... never did. And now he's dead.

They cremated him and put his ashes in a beer stein. There it sat on the alter in the little church in Pickerington. There he sat? Nah. He's moved on.

So, what do I believe? I don't know. I believe there is more. Consciousness? Maybe, but not ego. Not the deduced I. The deducer. The I that precedes the deduction. Old, old train of thought. From the spring break I was riding around Europe on the trains. Just after I found out that Max had married Lorree.

And now, Max is dead.

Thank God for the horses. I hope Max gets to ride in heaven. That would be a good thing.

Prayer and Meditation

Prayer and Meditation are immensely practical. Meditation puts an evenness into the day. A balance. And prayer changes the prayor.

I love the fact that Easter is determined by reference to both the solar and lunar cycles. Easter is the first Sunday, after the first full moon, after the spring equinox. Wonderful. Its like all the superstitious shit about pagans put into a formula for our biggest day. And how about the name "Easter". Is it Oester? Fertility rites of spring. the whole which came first? The rabbit or the egg? You gotta laugh.

Anyway.... meditation.... balance..... a different world. My world was full of chaos. It was full of craziness and foolishness. When I allow my thoughts to slow down, to quiet. when the squirrel cage wheel in my head stops turning endlessly around. I can slowly, gradually leave Mike's world and enter into God's. In God's world, I am not in charge. I am not an authority. There is no reason for you to listen to me. I know nothing. But it is a better place (in my opinion, and as it pertains to me)

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

Should I publish this? Will I be arrested? Marked?

And what of Groundhog day? Did it pass already?

Passing

Seven posts for 2007. Not very many. Journey? Progress?

Two weeks after my last post I turned 52. Actually, I completed my 52nd journey around the sun, and celebrated by going to Oak Openings all day and riding Mia.

It is January 1st, 2008. I like the feel of 2008 in my mind. I'm not sure if that means it is going to be a good one, but I'll take it as a good sign. First rune cast was favorable.

There is a book in process. It is a huge joy to me these days. It is set between 1836 and 1846. The study of the times has been satisfying and exciting. A time before telegraph and railroad. A time when the speed of horse was the speed of information. We'll see how that goes.

Spots II

Three Loeopard Mares

TNP Polar Cattracks, Frosty Pebbles Two, and Echos Amazing Grace. Cat, Pebbles, and Gracie.

They always remind me of giraffes. Something about the spots....the camouflage. Not sure what it is, but it is beautiful.

Gracie is pregnant to a few spot stallion out of Pratts Sully Fire. She is the only mare that is due in the spring. One baby in 07. One baby in O8. A bunch of Ghost's babies in 09 (I hope).

A Difference of Kind

I am not sure of the exact quote. But, it is something like this; A difference of degree will eventually yield a difference of kind.

We started out with Buck. Then we got April. Ace. Sara. Sara's oldest, Daisy was with us for a season. Cat. Cat's baby, Ru. Mia. Pebbles. Ghost. and Gracie. Oh yeah, we don't have Daisy on the farm now, but we have Brandy, Sara's second baby who is now two.

We have a barn full of hay, with more coming from out of state. We have new pastures fenced in. New lean- to's added onto the barn and shed. Gates, buckets, halters, and on and on and on.

A difference in kind. We have become something else.

It was just the first of October that Ghost came home. That week, we started with Ghost, brought Brandy in on Wednesday, and went to Illinois and got Gracie on Sunday. Seven days, three horses. Over the top. the degrees yielded a change in kind. What are we now? A farm? A ranch? Does the name matter much? Nah, there's horses to feed.

The farm where we got Gracie had over 30 horses. There was a definite difference in kind there yet again. Change.

And you gotta ride 'em.

We rode Sunday. Fifteen miles around the hood. I rode April so I could have a peaceful ride without all the fight. Dylan rode Mia yesterday. He did good. She came back calmer. She needs the work. Vick rode Pebbles for the ride on Sunday. They did great. Pebbles' first time out. Fast and smooth. Endurance prospect for next year? One can hope.

And Ghost? Wow. what a magnificent horse. His personality, spirit, energy is just fantastic. He is so much less scary than I had imagined. Someday.... with enough hours of work, maybe I'll be able to ride him..... but that's way down the road. He has a winter ahead, and then a breeding season next spring. We have the mares.

I've learned a lot about breeding. I have just scratched the surface. I do know that you want to breed in the spring so your foals are born in the spring of the next year. You don't want a fall or winter baby. So, we have some fine mares that are "open". The only mare in foal is Gracie and it isn't Ghost's baby. She was bred to a really fine blood line before we got her. DREA Snowyrock Ghost. A fewspot stallion from Washington (or Oregon). Should be an exciting foal.

And so, a difference in the number of horses we have surrounding us has produced a difference in what we are. It hasn't coalesced completely. I suppose it will always be in flux.... becoming... but it is settling in and I like it. Lots of work, but while I am abel.... I like it.

Ordinary

It is not Tuesday. Tuesday is ordinary. Tuesday is the bound Feneris wolf. The world after the chaos has been bound. Order. Ordinary. Aboriginal proscribed. And what is left? Ordinary.

For years, I've been studying the sacred in the ordinary day. The herb garden. Weeding. Feeding the horses. Making the bed. Preparing supper. Laundry. Ordinary.

Is it possible that we are ill prepared for ordinary?

People sweep their problems into piles and talk about them incessantly. People imagine all kinds of dramas, and talk about them incessantly. Do we know how foolish we sound?

I sat quietly last night. Turned off the TV. It was just wasting my time. I marvel at the emotional color and depth of my interior in an ordinary evening; fear, anger, vertigo, all in an ordinary evening.

And today?

When I think of what is of value in this day my thought turn at once to the herd. I hope to ride Pebbles soon. I hope she has the appaloosa shuffle. Ace will be home this afternoon. Maybe we can have the entire herd together and I can take some pictures. That sounds good. All seven of them together for the first time. Even let Sara out for an hour or so of grazing. She'll love it.

Ordinary.

The Path

The path. The way. A spiritual journey. It has been the same for thousands of years. Is now and ever shall be. Is you is? or is you aint?

Beauty. one of the best ways to slow the squirrel cage of the mind. The spiritual capacity is considerably lower than the brain. The heart?... The belly....? Anyway, the mind must be quiet so you can begin to feel the heart. That which guides is not the mind. Quiet the mind.

Often, when I quiet the mind, I can see. Its as if I've been operating on automatic pilot. Suddenly, I can see the beauty of the world around me. I laugh. How can I go through my days, walking about, blind? How do I not bump into things... ?

Turn over and let go. God, please forgive me as I forgive _____________(fill in the blank with whomever you are having trouble forgiving) That'll work.

And the horses? Resonating gut and heart.... helping me with congruence.

The way. the path.

Fear. Anger. Love. Anxiety. Joy. Happiness. Give us this day, our daily bread.

Frosty Pebbles Two

Another horse? Yes. Lets see. We are a little behind in our reporting. Did I tell you about Mia? Hmm maybe not.... or how bout Ghost? Nope, definitely not. Ok.... backing up.

I sought to buy a riding horse for this summer. I was looking after the first of the year, and wanted to find one that was already started (broke to ride). I had some pictures that Donna had sent me, and after looking them over some more, and studying the blood lines, I called to see if we could strike a deal. The horse, Frosty Pebbles Two, belonged to her sister, and her sister had changed her mind.

So I bought Mia. First part of March. I bought her from Craig, the president pro tem of FAHR (foundation appaloosa registry). She is a blue roan snow cap of the Toby lines. The first time I was in the pasture with her I knew she had something special. She knew she was going home with me. I don't know how she knew, but she knew.

I rode Mia across Michigan in June.

Just before I left for the Shore to Shore ride, I acquired AR Ghostwind Feather from Donna. The trainer picked him up for me and took him to his place on the other side of Bowling Green for training.

Today, I'm going up to get Pebbles. Seems Donna's sister didn't do the trail riding she had hoped to do this summer and decided to sell the mare.

I'm still waiting to hear from Debra H. up in Rosscommon, about FR Lucky. Another leopard mare of exceptional blood lines.

And from Mike and Rose, over in Illinois, about Echoes Amazing Grace. Yet another leopard mare.

The search for a shuffler continues.

Welcome Back

It is a beautiful day in July. Feels more like a spring morning. It makes me happy.

I can feel the forces swirling around me. Like currents of wind high in the sky; one coming from the west gliding over one coming up from the south east, swirling together, invisible, but there, none the less.

I have an opportunity to change. I don't think these come around too often. We are who we are, and that pretty much stays the same for most of our lives. A leopard can't change his spots. But I see the possibility to let go of a lot of thoughts that hold me back from living...reasons not to do something... not to buy more horses. Not to support Vic in her decision to quit her day job..... Ha! issues of dependance and economic insecurities..... or..... or perhaps.... a different way. Let it unflold. Withold my vote, my opinion. Let it unfold and support it. Hmmm support position instead of imaginary decider.....

I want to write about the three trips across Michigan on horseback. I want to write some more about the house at the edge of the world; the lynchpin. I want to write about the death of a legend, and the new path. I want to write about the blue shirted lariat man, and his journey across the west on his bridle horse.

I want to write, but more than that, I want to ride!

Its good to be back. Almost locked out because of password forgetfulness.... Who am I? What's the code? How do I get back in? Silly.

But here I am, and I say, "Welcome back"

Plan

How do you make God laugh? Make a plan.

Lets make a plan and put it out there. I hesitate. Its half baked. I might be ridiculed, look stupid. oh well.

The farm. Runestone Farm. Foundation, Appaloosas, for trail and endurance. A breeding facility. A farm. Hay. Baby horses. Trained horses. What else?

Who is going to do the work? Where will you keep a stud horse? Better get to work on the fences.

Hard Copy

I am going to print this all out before the end of the year. think I'll buy some paper today and get started.

I am going to join the ApHc. I am going to transfer Cat. Get her breeding certificate coming. See if she qualifies for Colorado Ranger Horse, Sundance, and the rest......

What did I just say? sheesh.....

Paper Horses

Let go of the idea. Let go of the thoughts, preconcieved, how does it look..... work with this horse here and now today.

I've been shopping and shopping for paper horses. Drawn to certain bloodlines. Very drawn. Like butter to lobster..... turn up the heat...voila.... crazy.

I have to , want to, work with Cat. I want to let go of the need to own...the need to have an entry into some exclusive club of foundation breeders.... "look at my horse"

She is not my horse. I do not own her. that is antithetical to the spiritual reality that I am learning.

I don't have to know what's next. I have to let go and live less willfully.

As long as I am paying attention, I'll make the right move when its time, and in the meantime....... work and play.

Training7

Sessions six and seven in the round pen. short. the pen is holding water. she will go around now without coming in or stopping. she will hold gate pretty good. she will join up better and better. she will NOT walk away behind me when I do after a join up.

We practiced leading around the yard, and standing by a tie post. she is doing great.

The Legend

Death of the legend. How does this look? How will this look? Why consider such things? Because I have had no choice. Programming? Natural phenomenon? Vain person?

End it. The price of cool. That was the first ride. The price of cool is lonliness. If you want to be and stay cool, you have to live seperately. Narcicistic. Fame and glory are narcicistic.

So, end it. Put an end to the legend. Let their be none. Let your reflected self go forward into history, forgotten...mispercieved.....as it will, left to chance.

No spin. No control. no consideration. Let it all go.

Thank you for the horses

Thank you for the horses.

I stand in the pen. Let all tension go from my body. And so goes the tension from my mind. Oh, it will return, but the horses help me remember.... give me reason to remember. They read my body. My mind shows in my shoulders and back. How I stand. Where I hold the tension. The tension that I hold. Let go.

Thank you for the horses. I don't know what I'd do without them in my life. Reason to live? That seems extreme, but they have shown me a different world.... the one I know I can live in, if only I can learn to let go of the one of my mind. the getting and spending. the decimal point, calandar, world where I spend most of my life.

Thank you for the horses.

Thoughts

Well well well. odd day. another one. a little uncomfortable with my place in the world. seems just a little out of synch. A little like "fake it till you make it". pretend. everything is ordinary. everything is fine.

I am excited. the disjointedness comes from worry. Can everything be going ok? How is that possible?

So much change, but it seems for the better. Picking up speed. wonder where it will lead. Will I like it? Will my place in it all be ok. be to my liking or satisfaction. selfish. me me me ...... stop it. be grateful and thankful.

Thank you.

LynchPin

The house at the edge of the world.

There was a feeling. The feeling that the home was sitting at the edge of the world. Its existence there held back change. The edge would creep forward were it not for the home. The house was the LynchPin.

I left someone else in charge. They didn't even know. Wonder how they'll do with it. Its a big responsibility.

Sentiment & emotion

There is a difference between sentiment and emotion. Sentiment is distilled emotion. It is instead of emotion. Over time, it becomes a block to experiencing true emotion in the present. It seems to be protection from powerful emotion, from being overwhelmed. It ends up blocking true emotion.

Go on. Be overwhelmed.

Revive an old idea. Whelmed. Today, I am whelmed. I am washed with emotion. It flows over me. I do not resist it. I allow it to wash over me, around me, through me.....

Sentiment is distilled emotion. It can get you drunk. It can make you high, but it clouds the perception of reality. It takes you into delusion. Victim or hero? Fame or vainglory?

From true emotion, right action will follow. Intuitively. without a lot of thought. From a place of true emotion in the present, you will step forward positively into the next right thing.

Shun sentiment. accept without resistance true emotion. Learn to tell the difference.

Trip around the Sun

Another trip around the sun. Done. Way to go me. Made it. Didn't fall off or up. Here I am.

This ride was better than the one before, which was better than the one before that. Depression is lessened and happiness increased. I attribute it to time in the saddle. I hope for even more saddle time this year.

I've completed 51 trips around (not counting the 1st nine months in utero) I am celebrating my 51st trip and will say I'm 51 years old, even though this is my 52nd ride. Did I need to explain that? Was anyone confused? Is anyone confused now?

Just wanted to say "hello world"!

Congruence

Horses demand congruence in the people around them. They act up in the face of incongruence. They can be dangereous. So can incongruence.

Last week, my emotions went in a funny direction that left me feeling a bit confused. I wasn't sad, unhappy, angry..... but I was anxious. Mildly anxious. I couldn't attatch it to anything, so I fell back on my deeply ingrained response...... Denial.

I'm fine. I'm ok. I'm happy. I'm good.

Not a serious lie, but incongruent.

I got kicked. Not bad, just a loud and clear "hey!" from my horse April. Right arm, just below the elbo.

If I am not happy going into the barn, and I'm not able or not willing to start where I am, then I won't be happy coming out of the barn. Get where you are. All of you. Stop the Denial and get congruent. They don't care how you are, they just demand an emotional honesty.

Quiet

I am happy this morning. Been singing. Old Leon Russel songs from the Carny album. Settle into work without a real agenda for the day. Got some big things brewing, but not much will happen today ( I don't expect.....but who knows)

I feel quiet inside, and so it seems....outside. Last day of my 51st ride around the sun. Relief that 50 is behind me. I feel pretty good.

I got a ride in yesterday. Just over to Tony's and back. Little more than an hour. April was wonderful, as usual. What a horse. She likes to stop and listen and look around. she has a couple of spots where she likes to stop and just stand there. I enjoy just sitting on her listening and looking too. Its a cool feeling. Exciting and peaceful at the same time. Two creatures actively listening and taking it in, in sync, enjoying the world. I am lucky.

In a small way, ....... this is what I want. This is what I have.

Lost

feeling of losing the blue markers. False sense of security. what is on the other side? Real riding vs. wannabe

Apparition

The horse with the far away look in her eye. Where does she go? and Why? Is it because of the move? From Luisianna to Pennsylvania? Is she waiting for a new future? Another move?

Runaway

woah down there...... easy does it.

How did I get so over excited? Overheated brain racing at a million miles perr hour. How. I value calm. collected. balanced? Its been a long time since I purposefully, willfully pursued this manic high. Is it a chemical imbalance? hmmmmmm

Manic depression is a two fisted ?????

I am excited. I am excited that the business is black. i am excited that I'm getting new horses. I am excited that I'm meeting with the builder to discuss another barn.

I am excited that GM finally has a CRM system that has some potential..... (again?)

I am excited because it is in my make up. I am manic depressive, and this is the manic stage....

I had a headache yesterday. Bad one. Felt nauseous too. Felt like the flu, but it passed by supper time. I was afraid to eat, but as I tried a little supper, I was raveneous. Pigged out and it settled fine.

Wow. I am manic and it comes as a surprise. shouldn't. but it does.

Song

How is that not what I am?
Guru in a nehru. Talkin trash out my ass.

Wednesday

Think I'll write a little before even reading my e-mails. Warm morning. Felt like spring for a minute when I went out to feed. Its not spring and winter is coming. I have to get a run in built and get the walk done before it freezes.

I still don't have Cat here in Ohio. She's on the odyssey in Oklahoma. Two more horses I am wanting to acquire. Chomping at the bit. Hold, hold, hold....

April kicked me in the arm yesterday afternoon. I was turning them out, and she ran past and wham... or rather....snap! Missed the elbo and and didn't do any serious damage. I put arnica gel on it pretty quick and its not even bruising up. Sore though. Its a sign, but I can't interpret.

Miracle at work. Profit in the face of poor sales and shrinking. Shringking is difficult for everybody involved. Still, the profit is a gift, not an earned thing. Flys in the face of capitalism, but I don't much care. The way of the horse. Live less wilfully. It works. Don't know how, but it works.

Going to talk to a man about a barn.

Prayer

Lord, forgive me when I worry. I have been taught that I must strive and struggle to make my way in this world. I have come late to the understanding that all is in your hands and that I do not need to struggle or worry. It will not come naturally to me this time around.

Thank you for the skein around the earth where in we live. Thank you for populating it so richly with plants and animals. Thank you for the green, and for the blue.

Thank you for the water, the air, the earth, and the fire.

Thank you for our daily bread and for the friends and family that I can share it with.

Thank you taking care of everything. Forgive me for worrying.

Amen

Reassurance

I had a wonderful dream last night. I was in the midst of the horses; April, Buck, Ace, Sara, and even the new spotted mare. All were there. I felt the reassurance of God, thru the presence of the horses: First one, then the other. I tried to grasp onto the feeling. I tried to understand and figure it out so that I could keep it or reproduce it. I gave up. I let it be. I enjoyed it. And, I remebered to say thanks.

I am very grateful I got God's reassurance but that it came through the horses.

Thanks.

What?

What? I hear music. I see dumb people. Bankers lend you money when the umbrella's not raining. And you dance around laughing like an idiot that doesn't know or doesn't care how much money the piper's going to demand when the song is over.........

Frimfrock inbread, bread back, line bred, bullshit.

So what do you want to become a horse breeding operation for? Distraction? You don't know? Beauty? Shufflers?

You need to saddle up and ride tomorrow regardless of the weather. At least ten miles. At least ten. Put on the long johns.... stuff cotton in the ears..... and ride. It is important. Ride.

Odd

It is odd that writing from home would feel so different than writing from my desk at work. It does. My old computer from home is t'd off the same monitor that this machine is hooked to. You have to hot key back and forth. You can't cut and paste. Since my old machine isn't hooked to the net, it feels like a dead end.

So, here I am on this machine. Horses are fed. I'm thinking hard about another couple horses. A stud, and SLA apparition. What lines. .. on paper. I have talked to the owners of both horses, and the breeders of SLA apparition. They praise their horses. I'm also looking at a gelding to ride.... a four year old.... good lines, probably not a natural shuffler.... so... why am I looking? Cause he matches? sheeshh..... Gonna be an Appy farm.

Found out today there is already a Runestone Farm. And..... it is a horse facility.... ha! Coincidence? sure.. just like running in to Butch in a TSC store in Southern Illinois.

So...... dark.... nearly full moon. Snow! not much here, but Buffalo got hammered with snow..... Its good to be writing from here again. More.

A beautiful obsession

When you are riding 25 miles a day for several days in a row, the speed your horse travels is important. The smoothness of the gait is also very important. The speed is important, not because you are in a hurry, but because speed determines how many hours you spend in the saddle. The gait is important because your comfort in the saddle is determined by the smoothness of the gait.

I've ridden across Michigan twice. The first time was in 05. I rode about 4 miles an hour. We walked a lot, trotted some. I rode across at the end of September 06. this time, I rode about 5.5 miles an hour. I spent less time in the saddle, but the time in the saddle was less comfortable.

I have an opositional disorder or condition. Tell me I need to buy a Tennesee Walker or a Fox Trotter and I will do anything but. I began looking for an alternative. someone suggested that some of the Appaloosas have a gait called "the indian shuffle" that is supposed to be a shuffling walk sort of affair that is moderately fast, smooth, and can go all day.

I was interested.

I began the search. Dream horse. Ag direct. Appaloosasforsale.com Equine.com all the big, and some of the small horse searches on the net.....

I began to detect some disagreement and lack of clarity on the whole subject of gain in the appaloosa lines. I began to dectect dissension in the ranks of the Appaloosa faithful. Differing opionions...strong opionions...

More and more I found a connecttion between the Leopard Appaloosas and the shuffle. I didn't even like the leopard patern when I started. I do now. They are beautiful. How did I not see it before.

Some say the gait comes from the decendants of the Spanish horses brought up from the south. Others by some mystical boat load of Russian horses. Some are a little more pragmatic pointing out that the Morgans and Saddlebred horses from the east were probably lurking in the gaited horses background....

The whole mythology of Chief Joseph and his wonderful/terrible flight from the American Cavalry...... the dispersal of the Nez Perz herds... the ones that got into Canada.... the ones that survived in the Palouse Valley......

Such a wonderful.....colorful...heritage......

I am in.

I am hooked.

My remaining life is altered.

I have a new obsession.

I have a new passion.

I am going to breed Foundation Appaloosas.

I am going to study gait.

My first horse, TNP Polar Cattracks should be here yet this week. She is off a ranch in Montana. Currently waiting shipment on a ranch in Oklahoma. And..... I just learned that she is probably pregnant for an 07 foal.

Here we go.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there was a horse. Now everyone knows that horses communicate with humans from deep within; a capacity that resides inside near the diaphragm. They look at you. They resonate. Its not telepathy. Its not new age touchy feely bullshit. Its just the way they communicate.

In order to practice using this capacity you only have to practice the three breaths. Close your eyes. Bow your head. And breath deeply, concentrating on the inside of of your chest....above the belly, below the heart...... breath in and out three times slowly. The horses will respond between the second and third breath.

Something I have learned.

Talk about inconsistent. I go to practice the three breaths. I begin. I take one breath. I might even take two, and then I get distracted by a thought, and idea, an impulse, and I never concentrate on the third breath. Oh I take another breath....duh.... but I forget my intention to breath deeply from inside. I send a new signal. I negate what I communicated that I was going to do. We are inconstant creatures. Its a wonder the horses keep trying to communicate with us.

Equanamity.

Change

Something(s) gonna change here. I sense it. Know its coming. Wednesday will be November. By then, my new horse should be here. Deep cuts to downsize. Round-up next weekend. What all? What next?

I know this isn't sexy. I know that the young seek out the young. I didn't come here to be popular, but what did I come here for? I have stopped journalling at home on my old computer. The set up doesn't work for me, and the hard drive is making a noise. Gotta get a hard copy and transfer some files. Got to. Want to. Indoor work for the winter. Its coming. Its coming. Like rocks sliding down the mountain tell you something 's up there. I hear the effect.... I sense.... I intuit..... Not doom and gloom. Not the end. Just change. Laguz. Water. Sweeping change.

Hesitation?

Over the last few years, as I've come to different terms with my own mortatlity, I've taken the plunge into new and different activities that I used to hesitate and decline. I've done some things that don't make a lot of sense, but that I wanted to do. They have worked out well (for the most part) and have drastically changed my life. My life is fuller.

I want to breed horses. I've got to get away from "paper" horses and back into the real world. Do it, or don't, but what is the hesitation? Too much work?

Rune Farm

unetone arm

Running out of month

Wow. Less than a week to go. The year has been tilted steeper and steeper and things rolling down hill towards the end of the year are picking up speed. Next month is my birthday. Fifty one. Better that fifty. Easier on the Psyche.

Business sucks. Horses are wonderful. Living less wilfully works, though nothing is as expected. the horses are communicating more simply. Sara's feet are better. Daisy is gone over to Tony's. Cat still isn't here, but coming next week. Haloween parade this Saturday. I've looked foreward to being able to ride in the Parade for years. Here it comes. Oh boy!

I have to remind myself that just because its cold and has snowed already it still isn't winter untill the solstice. Dec. 21. Steve just baled the last of the hay yesterday.

Trouble

Uh oh. I might be in a little trouble. My new mare, Cat, isn't even here yet and I'm looking at another horse. I'm thinking I can get a ridable horse that is known for sure to shuffle for a reasonable price. I can't put another horse on the ranch for the winter, but I could send one to a trainer. Got feelers out to see who is interested.

Oh yeah! Found the name for the Ranch.... Rune Farm ....Like it?

Education

I was going to title this "Training", but I am finding the my education is more to the point than the horses' training. John Lyons says that a horse will do anything you ask them to do, and will wait forever for you to learn to ask properly.

Pull and release: Like most people, I thought the reins were to turn left and right, and to stop. I saw Lyons in Columbus a few years ago, and it changed my riding. A real break through. He title his clinic session "the calm down cue" He proceded to teach a flighty horse to lower its head, lower and lower and lower. He said there is no "calm down cue", but the head down cue, and the practice of pull and release, has the desired result. For the rider and the horse. It lets you find that place of communicating that takes your attention off of the the spook. Practice practice practice.

10/19 Continuing education:

The three breaths. That will be my foundation. I know this sounds crazy, but it is as if there is a place that one can go to by continuing to practice the three breaths. Three deep breaths from as far down in the belly as you can. It helps to close the eyes, but it is not necessary. I've found that horses respond by the end of the second breath. it is as if there is a state of being that the horse can respond to... a resonance between the human and the horse on a deep, gut level. It is where communication begins. This will be my foundation.

I don't know when the new mare, Cat, gets here. She may still be in Oklahoma. She may be on the road to here. Her foal was taken off her as she was loaded in the trailer a couple of weeks ago. Poor dear. All new. All sorrowful. How can there be any joy, happiness, or.... more importantly to a horse....safety and security.

She will be pushy and have no knowledge of how to behave with humans. I have to remember this going in. she will step on my feet, push me around, crowd me.... she may well kick or bite if she feels threatened.

Return to the three breaths and remember that we have all the time in the world, and no where to hurry to.

Shawnee

OK. having trouble with the upload. Technologically challanged, but man did we ride! Up and down. Over rocks, along goat trails. It was awesome. Secret Canyon. Salt Peter Cave. Natural bridge. Buzzard's roost. Mule cave. Indian Kitchen. Bear Creek and Lusk Creek.... April did wonderfully. We climbed and she put her feet safely along the toughest trail. Six and half hours on Saturday and again on Sunday. Don on his Mule, JoJo on her Walker, Vick and I on Buck and April. It was a great trip.

Rant

Mild Rant. Nobody reads this stuff. I keep from swearing, though I often feel like. Discipline, or expectation of an audience? Good question.

The reflected self. Harry Stack Sulivan. Father of American psychology. Ha.... The legend must end. Cut it loose. Release it. Forgedaboudit.

So. Its Wednesday morning. I am at work. I'll be short handed today. Too bad. Waaaa. It is raining. they are talking about snow. (I don't think so) . I have salesmeeting today. Orphan owners = subject. I didn't touch the horses....barely could see them this morning, but got to ride a couple of hours last evening. It was good. Horses are well. New one should be here soon. Wonder when.

Not much of a rant, is it? But, it is good to be expressing myself here. or anywhere. It is interesting that I stopped using my old computer where I wrote for several years. Time to print it out...hard copy before the machine crashes forever. and what? Hide it away? publish? maybe put in on here..... nah.......

Anyway. Have a good day. Let it go. Live less willfully, and cooferay!

Back from the North

Back from the ride. Did it.... Again! April did great. I did pretty good too. Was cold and wet this time. Good news was there were almost no bugs.

This is the boardwalk outside of Luzerne. One of my favorite spots. The Huron Forest was as I remembered it. Leaves were changing. Maples already red, Ferns turned from green, to yellow, to brownish gold.

I am thankful for the chance to make this ride. It renewed my spirit and toughened me up.

More soon.

The Ride

I'm going across Michigan again. 240 miles. 10 days. Lots and lots of saddle hours. Not optimistic about the weather. Trying to get mentally prepared for rain. Nothing like a cold drizzle to sap your strength. Oh well, that's the point. It is what it is. Deal. You wanna ride? Ride. Don't bitch. Don't complain. Don't moan and groan, and for goodness sake, don't abuse those on the ride with you. Company. Empire to Oscoda. Lake Michigan to lake Huron by horseback.

Happy Trails

Cat

Well, here she is. Bought her yesterday. She's out in Montana. I won't see her for nearly a month. She'll be picked up next week sometime and taken to Oklahoma. She'll stay there a few days to a couple of weeks, and then to Ohio. She has the blood lines carry the shuffler genes. Now, we'll have to see. She is unbroken, never saddled, hardly handled. Free running on more than 4 miles of Montana wilderness.

Dream

I have a new dream. I want to find an Appaloosa mare that does the Appaloosa, or Indian Shuffle. This is a ground covering, comfortable four beat gate that was a common characteristic of the Appaloosa some generations back. It seems the gene that determines this gait is closely connected to the one that is responsible for the leopard pattern of spots. I did not set out to find a leopard appaloosa. In fact, I didn't particularly care for that pattern. But now, as I focus in and actually go to see some horses, I find that most of the ones I am interested in are Leopards.

I would like to raise appaloosas. I would like to breed good foundation mares to good foundation stallions, and produce a wonderful variety of Appaloosa foals.

I need a barn, more pasture, and more land for hay production. I look forward to having a crop of foals for the current year. (maybe 08, maybe even 07 if I get a mare already bred) Yearlings, two year olds starting under saddle, and good trail horses. I look forward to selling and trading to like minded breeders.

The dream will have to remain focused. I have much to learn on Focus in a less Willful life. I am beginning to realize that I am the conflict between apparent oppisites. The conflict is within me, and therefore I can learn to let it go. I can focus, and become increasingly less willful.

The dream may not look like I envisioned it. That will have to be ok. As God wills it. As long as I remain constant to the truth as it lives in today.

The Bridge

April

I don't know what to say about April. I looked all over for a horse and found April about a mile down the road. She was 300 lbs overweight, had no wind, and wasn't too interested in people. She has a "don't touch me" attitude that is very discouraging.

She has been one of the best teachers I've had this time around. We've travelled many hundreds of miles together, and when we are in synch, going through the forest, there is nothing better in this life.

Destiny

We were riding in the Hoosier National Forest in South Central Indiana. A beautiful and wonderful place to ride. On our third day, we began much as any other day horse camping; feed and water the horses, stoke up the fire from last nights embers, cook breakfast, prepare to ride. On this morning, Buck was a pistol so Vic took him over to the round pen to have a discussion. I went along to watch.

When she was done, and Buck had settled into acceptance, we head out on a new trail for a moderate day of riding. We went to Ghost Town and the one steep hill I feared from our visit the year before. The trail was washed out and closed. It didn't look nearly as steep as I remembered it, but it was a moot point since it was closed anyway.

We got off the beaten path and spent the better part of an hour lost along a beautiful creek bed, climbing over fallen trees, losing the trail and finding it again. Eventually we backtracked to a marked trail, wound around and headed back to camp for a late lunch.

I had ridden most of day looking at the ground immediately around April as we walked along. I was looking for a feather. It created an odd sensation concentrating on what was right below me as opposed to constantly looking down the trail. It is not the best of trail riding practices, but I was totem hunting. About a half mile out of camp, there it was. A beautiful hawk feather at the base of a tree off to my right. I recovered the feather, stuck it in my hat band, and we proceeded on.

A little further down the trail we could see a woman walking towards us. "where is your horse?" I called out, regretting it almost immediately. As we closed the gap between us, I could see the woman was extremely distressed. "have you seen her?" she asked.

Turn out that while we were over at the round pen, our neighbors tacked up and got ready to ride. This woman was thrown as she was mounting, and her horse ran away. She ran around the camp and then high tailed it into the woods and down the path we were now riding.

We turned around and joined the search.

As we got back to where I had found the feather there were two crows just off the trail where it took a sharp left. As we approached, they did not fly away as expected. They just sat there and cawed loudly at us. Very strange.

After a mile or so, the trail went along a ridge with a sharp drop on the left and a more gentle drop down to the right. We rode the ridge until it turned down the gentle slope to the right. We noticed that another trail went on ahead. It was not a marked trail, or a much travelled trail, but we surmised that a scared horse running along the ridge was more likely to proceed straight than to make the sharp right hand turn. We rode on.

We had to ride around several trees as the woods closed in reclaiming the untravelled trail. Since the view was so beautiful, we decided to ride a little further even though the futility of the search had sunk in.

I looked ahead on the trail, and about twenty yards ahead, there stood a little sorrel horse, stock still, watching us come down the trail. We dismounted, and I held both of our horses as Vic slowly approached Destiny. Destiny had her reins back through her front legs and around one back hoof making any further travel very difficult. She stood still as Vic got a hold of her and sorted out her gear.

Now what? Here we were a coulple of miles from camp with our two horses and a frightened horse that we didn't know at all. We decided that I'd take Destiny and Vic would pony April off of Buck. Ponying another horse is not all that difficult with practice, but through the woods it is a real challenge. I tried walking along side Destiny, but she was not about to be left behind and wouldn't walk at an easy pace. After a short way, I was out of breath and it was obvious that I should at least try to ride back. I tightened the cinch and climbed on.

She was a Tenessee Walking horse and moved out much different than my quarter horse mare, April. Scared and high stepping we followed Vic down the trail.

That is how we captured destiny lost in the woods of South Central Indiana.

Elaboration

Lets see if I can lay this out. Lets take cave men on one side, and the matrix on the other….Not the movie matrix, but the matrix of global positioning. The grid.

The grid is the result of man’s invention of latitude and longitude taken to the extreme conclusion using GPS mapping. Voila, the grid.

Starting with pre-historic, pre-conscious man, our societies were surrounded by wilderness. “Here there be dragons” was the vast majority of territory of the world.

The frontier was the borderline between the civilized known, and the unknown wilderness. But again, our land was surrounded by Other.

Now, the unknown is surrounded by the known. There is no more frontier on earth. Everything is delineated within the grid.

Similar to the Grid, the Calendar has come to confine time. 365 and ¼ days to make a trip around the sun. Solstice to Solstice. Full moon to full moon. We coordinated our measurement of time by our major celestial neighbors. We gave names to our days from our Gods, and then forgot them. How is that possible. Tier…Tieus… spell it as you will he is the God of Tuesday. And, he is important to this discussion.

The Fenris wolf was a monster spawn of Loki and Angerb??? As he grew in strength, the Gods became afraid of him. Not because of something he had done, but because of his potential for harm.. He respresents chaos. But not the original chaos that precedes order. Chaos of the wild beast nature he possessed growing into full strength and power. The God’s felt the need to establish order before things got too out of hand. To do this, the created glipnear… a strange and majical net, made up of the rare ordinary day to day ingredients, and delivered by Tier. To pull off the deception, Tier sacrificed his hand.

The wolf bit his hand off at the wrist.

Sacrifice…..binding of the wild….. order…... Calendar…… Tuesday.

Which brings us to here. Here is another reversal. Order surrounds chaos. Where chaos was the obvious enemy of “us” now, too much order and regulation has become the enemy….the problem…. We need more wild!

It is much like the optical illusions that reverse themselves by a slight shift in perception. It is two silhouettes. It is a chalice…

Today, Glipnear is made up of double entry accounting, credit scores, and health insurrance credits... common everyday elements... magically mixed together to bind us as surely as Fenris is bound.

Mobey Dick

The whale doesn't get harpooned until he breaks the surface.

So, here I am. I have broken the surface. Jumped up from the deapths of the sea.

Are the harpoons waiting?

Is there going to be any feedback.

Getting a little lonely out here, frozen as a photograph, poised above the surface

How bout it?

Willing

Live less willfully. Hard to imagine. Harder to do, and to keep doing. So much of our training is in how to use the will to go through life. Try harder. Persevere. Exercise willpower. All put forth as virtues and assets. And they are, until you try to live less willfully, and then......

Live less willfully. Let God sweep through my life and make changes as He will. Not as I will. To be willing instead of willful. To be prepared for what comes, spiritually, instead of being determined and committed to a way of my own choosing.

Cranching

Going under the wire. Waking up. Supressing fears and worries into places inside of you for the day. Nicotine and Caffine help the process. It has been referred to as "putting on your armor". Same thing.

I still drink coffee every morning, but I'm giving up cranching. My fears are my fears. I will try to acknowledge them and accept them, seeking to release them instead of supress them.

Open my heart to the day. What was the psalm I read this morning "Be still and know that I am God."

Live less willfully.

The nature of the beast

The nature of the beast. Sharpen up. Tighten up. Let's have a little clarity. Move with Alacrity! Don't be tenuous, hesitant. Right or wrong, make your movements full of commitment.

Let's see. Change my definition of thought. .... the horses have taught me.... equinamity... a balnace of being before thought, not the deduced self... the "I think therefore...etc..etc..etc..." brand. Flesh this out. Thought is not all it is cracked up to be....

We have a progression. Pre-concsious.. Conscious.. hyper conscious... and then what????? Post conscious doesn't quite get it, but its close..... after the burnout of the hyperconscious... after thought fails to produce anything like happiness... not even close... after conscious thought becomes the source of suffering..... You need a new teacher.

I have the horse. The horse teaches me move with commitment. Follow through. Watch where you stand in relation to piles of shit and creatures weighing in in excess of 800 pounds. Mean what you say, and say it with your whole body, not just your mouth.

a million more, but this will do for today.

The Fenris wolf is the beast. What is his nature? What if he hadn't been bound? Would he have destroyed the world? And how does this fit with ideas of consciousness? Fear? Is that the common thread? We'll see.

The Big Circus

Custer. 1000 men. 100 wagons. 1 woman. Presidints son. Brother in law. Expidition into the Black Hills. July 8, 1874 to Aug. 30

Once upon a time, armies went forth. Sometimes, it seems to be what man does. But this? This was a circus. This was wrong. Look at it.

Congruent

If you had a few months to live, what would do? I would ride more. I am leaving Sunday for a two night trip into southern Michigan. Nothing too involved. Just a horse camping trip. Do it now. Do it while I can.

How do you feel? Right now. Inventory, then relax. Let go... (a million times and then again)

Horses reward you if you will stop and breathe deeply three times. They usually will join up with you between the second and third breath. It is difficult to put a false front on how you are feeling if you practice the three breaths. how you actually feel, not how you would like to feel....that is congruence. Pissed off. resentful. anxious. ..the horses will accept as long as you don't pretend otherwise. Congruent.

congruence

congruency. An idea whose time has come. Horses respond to honesty in the humans relationship to their own emotions. Congruency. Putting a good face on it doesn't cut it with the horse. Don't pretend. If you are afraid....be afraid....if you are angry....be angry.... if you are conflicted.... watch out... at least by in touch with the conflict and don't pretend...don't pretend....don't pretend.....

The LGB

The Last Great Battle of the Industrial Revolution

The industrial might of General Motors and Ford Motor Company clash in the final battle of the industrial revolution. There has been a change in the mode of production. Computer's, computer software, and fianancial services have replaced the factories of the Industrial Age. Cubicles, not presses. But one more time into the breech.

After these behemoths slug it out, Toyota can step in the be the world's premier automobile manufacturer. It won't matter all that much. Those that really care are getting pretty long in the tooth. So be it.

The commitments to this battle were made years ago. Their most profitable product segment...makes sense, but who could have seen this gas crunch coming? Pick-ups and SUVs have been hit the hardest. The production capacity on these trucks is staggering, and Ford is scrambling to cut production. GM is rolling out the new GMT900 NOW. Here it goes.

Ford's first volley. They launch. Gas goes up in price. They cut production.

Home

Borderlands

"If you should travel in the north country fair
where the wind hits heavy on the borderlands....."

As we move to accepting the definition of our world in economic terms, we give up a great deal of magic. When the Fenris wolf was entrapped the spell could have easily been made from double entry accounting and the necessity for health care insurrance. Don't leave home without it.

Those that are more sensitive to the reality of the natural world sometimes cannot stand....cannot even maintain functionality in the modern world. They bail. they run. they flee to the boarderlands.

Do not cross over into madness. Few go. Fewer return. More and more camp in the boarderlands. Retreat / return. Retreat... set up hermitage.

And .... Runes .......

Another Day. August 7th to be exact. exact in a calander definition way. What day is it really? In the borderlands one day is much like the next or the last. After a while it is important that they don't have names any more. That's why you move to the borderlands. horses don't know Sunday from Tuesday. Could care less. Why should we? Do we gain or do we lose. Conventional wisdom says we gain, but consider the other possibility. What do we loose? or, more exactly... is some of what we lose as real as a dollar? You betchamyass.

If you found the camp in the middle of the sacred hills, out in the borderlands, what would you do? Epona? Did you know that Pegasus was born from the blood of Medusa's severed heads? So......

The long and the short of it is this advice; If you're going to the borderlands, take a horse.

Thank you. thank you very much.